Ooops! We suspect that someone has hacked into the bible class program curriculum sold to a gullible but guileless Ector County School Board. Witness the following:
CESAREA -- In a stunning announcement from Judea, Jesus of Nazareth [pictured at left expounding the "Policy on the Mount for a New American Century"], a man recognized by both the Essene and Zealot Parties as their long awaited Davidic Messiah, apparently betrayed his dynastic inheritance as "The Anointed One," the prophesied king expected to assume the top leadership position over paramilitary forces and covert Saccari assassins in the now decades-long insurgency against the Roman Occupation, when he formally proclaimed during an impromptu press conference this morning, "My kingdom is not of this world."
Immediately following the announcement, he began baptizing novices and teaching the Essene monastic disciplines of prayer, meditation, fasting, confession, "lectio divina" and the ritual communal meal as "The Way" of inner conversion. Emphasizing active non-violence and the practice of compassion for one's enemies, he stated that the inner-revolution must first be accomplished before taking up the secondary objective of the conversion of the Roman World Empire. He then proclaimed as God's Will that in order to eventually establish his "Heavenly Father's" kingdom on earth, the conversion of the Roman Empire would be carried out over several generations through a program of evangelism promoting the spiritual tenets of Judaism inspired by a genuine role-modeling of Essene Jewish contemplative piety rather than through the traditional means of violent military conquest abused by worldly kings, republican presidents, disingenuously religious anti-christs and would-be emperors.Meanwhile, two millennia later in Odessa -- despite that the militantly anti-Christian Zealot Movement (which is the true religious heritage of today's conservative wing-nuts) resulted in the crucifixion of Jesus, the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem in 68 AD, the Diaspora of the entire Jewish population from Jerusalem and the complete and utter defeat of Zealot forces at Masada in 168 AD -- West Texas right-wing evangelical Republicans -- ironically thinking themselves to be innocent followers of an avenging, blood-thirsty, sword-wielding Christ on the Red Horse of the Apocalypse and the martyred victims of a fallen nation gone to hell in a hand-basket of secular humanism -- not only promoted the election to the Presidency of a pandering, intellectually incurious (like themselves) warmongering, yet cowardly irresponsible AWOL-during-wartime, "born-again" Zealot and moral-Neanderthal from Midland, but they also expect the rest of us to accept their unlettered and self-righteously anti-Enlightenment view of American history while, combining it with an unmitigatedly ignorant nationalist-reconstructionist version of their received "Ol' Time Religion" of boneheaded post-millenarian popularism, they teach the "bible class" of the notorious National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools, to Odessa high school students from predominantly Latino Catholic families....all the while condescendingly waving the militant flag of a non-existent nation they erroneously suppose, notwithstanding the Mayflower Pact, to have been founded upon the Christian constitutional principles of theocratic Puritans and Calvinists.
At this, his disciples proclaimed him "Prince of Peace," celebrated in the Psalms as the true David of dynastic sovereignty in a combined role with that of the Aaron Messiah [high priest], formerly held by the late Essene Evangelist John the Baptist. Insiders close to him reported that The New Priesthood they are now proclaiming will be known as the "Order of Melchizedek," reminiscent of the fabled priest-king some rabbis believe to have been Michael the Archangel, appearing in prophetic vision-form as the Messenger of God who welcomed David into Jerusalem, the City of Peace, with a peace-offering of bread and wine instead of with the expected military resistance the Israelites had encountered during their ancient campaign in the Promised Land.
In the coming days, in a symbolic reenactment of Jewish history intended to advance the Nation of Israel to a heightened spiritual state above the suffering mundane, he and his disciples plan to gather their followers on the the far side of the Jordan River and, like Joshua, cross over into the Promised Land. But instead of taking Jericho by military siege, he plans to take it by spiritual force, baptizing and healing the sick along the way. When he arrives at Jerusalem, he plans to mount a donkey instead of a chariot (as did King David) and enter the holy City of Peace proclaiming salvation vis-à-vis a new covenant within a New Jerusalem and the Kingdom of Heaven.
Inside sources report that the announcement so devastated Zealot organizers of the Jewish insurrection they plan to arrest him and turn him over to pro-Roman leaders of the Pharisee and Sadducee Parties when he arrives next April in Jerusalem for the Passover. In a secret deal made among representative members of all four major national religious parties, Yehoshua ben Yosef, as he is known, will be turned over to the Roman Procurator Pontius Pilot. No longer useful to them in his newly evolved role as enlightened mystic and spiritual teacher, the disgraced "Messiah" -- his newly fallen status unknown to both the Romans and their pro-government Pharisee sympathizers -- will be identified as the Zealot-affiliated "King of the Jews" they hoped he would become.
Given the challenge to their religious authority that his mission represents through self-delivered prophesies that he will bring about the destruction of the temple and replace the current corrupt priesthood with one of renewed righteousness, if the Zealot plan goes accordingly , the surrender of Yehoshua ben Yosef is expected to both temporarily appease the blood-lust of the Roman authorities (who seek to crush the Jewish insurrection), and allay the concerns of the Jewish religious establishment (who currently enjoy only a tenuous hold on control of the Temple). The Pharisees hope to solidify their hold on the high priesthood by eliminating one of their chief rivals and contenders for power emerging from within the Essene-inspired Messianic Movement that is currently sweeping this defiantly independent nation, a nation of otherwise isolated tribesmen living by happenstance on the western reaches of Rome's aggressively expanding empire and situated astride the ancient trade routes to Egypt, India, Lahore and the Far East they wish to exploit.
The plot, as described by an undercover source within ben Yosef's entourage, who of necessity wishes to remain anonymous, involves unidentified co-conspirators within the Sanhedrin itself who, as the plan unfolds, will move to offer the hapless Essene mystic to perennially suspicious and agitated colonial administrators and their occupation forces as "a sincere token of their loyalty to Caesar."
Understandably, Caesar's representatives in Judea are anxious to prove their ability to stabilize and set an example of a region that has cost Rome it's reputation as a ruthlessly efficient oppressor of rebellion against its otherwise generously paternal dominion. Therefore, even if the ulterior motives of all parties are exposed to them it would be of little significance to the Roman Tetrarch and his Procurator that this most recent of Messianic pretenders is, in fact, innocent of the soon to be proffered charges against him of conspiracy and insurrection. As long as his prosecution and execution can lend the perception in Rome that they are expediting the Jewish War in the aggressive manner expected of them, Roman administrators, most especially Herod Antipas, the regional Herodian family Tetrarch, can rest secure for another season.
In an additional subplot, developed prior to today's announcement by those anticipating the Davidic Messiah's possible betrayal of the Zealot movement, a prisoner exchange is hoped to result through still more secret negotiations involving the release of Barabbas, a Zealot leader now in Roman custody.
The surrender of Jesus is expected to strengthen Roman cooperation with Chief Priest Joseph Caiaphas and the Pharisee Priesthood who currently exploit their control over the Temple through exorbitant fees for sin offerings, dishonest enforcement of monetary exchange rates and the admission of wealthy non-Jewish adherents to inner portions of the temple forbidden to them by Jewish religious law. Despite accusations that the chief priest is selfishly affecting the pollution of the temple in order to both pander to the social status of "Gentiles" and collect inflated fees from them for offerings at the altar of the Most High, Caiaphas is said to be so obsessed with power and wealth that he will be unaware of his participation in a scheme that will ultimately result in his undoing. At the same time, the multifaceted machination is expected to procure the release of one of the chief captains of the Zealot insurrection by Zealot Party members who are arranging for ben Yosef's arrest.
The class, by all accounts, amounts to a really poor quality Vacation Bible School rendering for under-achieving white West Texas teenagers -- scatology parading as eschatology without the hermeneutics -- written by hick-infested bible-scholar-wanna-bees and promoted by the flag-waving denizens of South Carolina trailer parks, out back living under that sullied place in the yard where the doggies go -- that poop-covered splotch decaying on top of Southern Evangelical Republican grassroots somewhere in the neighborhood of Bob Jones University. People who think the pile in the back yard has turned white by now, or will, or that it represents anything culturally or colorfully similar are insultingly mistaken. This piece of inertly non-erudite poop was dropped, pinched-off in a field of high cotton from the swollen bowels of a covertly racist group of unwitting Klan neophytes whose greatest anxiety is that "white culture" will be overwhelmed and dissolved within a diffusion of questionable multi-cultural values and secular apostasy. Thus, their "culture wars."
Eventually, despite this egregiously inept and pretentious attempt at scholarship, when through Grace or accident they discover that Jesus of Nazareth was semitic and that the semitic tribes evolved from black Africa more recently than their distant European cousins, they will literally shit.
Haven't we had enough of their self-righteous, intolerant, theocratic, warmongering, ethnocentric, Zealot-Christianist, quasi-revivalist, cross-burning crap? Haven't they had enough of their Starussian-perpetrated political molestation? [They've been punked by Neocons and they don't even realize it.]
We urge you to write a letter to the editor of the Odessa American and start the campaign to throw these naive nincompoops from the school board with their soiled sheets behind them. We don't have to wait on a Supreme Court decision from a Neocon group of 9s who put Bush in Office by fiat in 2000.